January 3, 2016

Paytan has gone into liver failure at 11 am this morning ……
Her portacath got infected and when it was flushed during an access the infection spread into her blood stream.
Currently the lab is growing 2 “bugs” in her sample. Have not been identified yet….
Her liver can not do all the jobs it is supposed to do.
She has had multiple platelets, blood, clotting agents and plasma products…. To help her body to fight the infection.
We are flying tonight to Sick kids in TO for her to be assessed for a liver transplant.

view from the helicopter window

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

January 4, 2016

I soooo wished that Paytan was awake for the helicopter ride…. because for soooo many months we watched it coming and going from our penthouse suite at CHEO…. She would been soooo excited!! I took a few pictures for her to see when she wakes up.
Paytan is not doing very well… She is now in acute kidney failure. Her kidneys have been now effected by the infection. When the liver and kidneys stop working the body starts to get backed up with toxins naturally… And being a cancer patient, and having a blood infection… She also has a build up medication she can not metabolize herself.
So…. She is currently being prepped to be put on dialysis.
With this there is the hopes that it will take stress off her kidneys to prevent further damage… And then rid her body of the toxins…. Which will in turn take stress off her liver. The liver is aka strong organ and can repair itself… IF… It doesn’t have to do the jobs too.
All of this…… We are thinking and praying that then the antibiotics will take care of the infections…. The liver can heal and ….. Hopefully her kidneys will start to produce urine again. At this point transplant is not on the table as putting a good liver into a very sick body … Is futile.
IF her liver repairs itself there will be no need for a liver transplant….. And IF the kidneys start to work again… There is no need for a kidney transplant….. We are playing waiting game now.
There was a CT scan of her brain this morning because the build up of liver enzymes were invading her brain causing swelling and causing her to be confused and intensely a danger to herself. She had to be sedated for the helicopter trip to Sick Kids.
She was taken off the sedation last night upon arrival and with her body being septic she has not woken up yet.
Her belly is swelling & badly bruised from the blood and body fluid seepage.
We are waiting to hear the results of the CT scan.

 

April 8, 2004 – January 6, 2016

http://www.tubmanfuneralhomes.com/families-in-our-care/paytan-faith-mcewen/1467/

 

Getting ready for the viewing.

   

This is Paytan’s actual heartbeat.  It is 178 beats per min.  She had SVT and her heart beat missed the 4th ventricle, therefore there is only “3” points showing in the beats. This is Paytan’s hand writing of her name.

In Memory of Paytan tattoos.

This is drawing that Paytan made for me after her father passed away.  She was 6 years old when she drew it.

Three little birds

Every morning, since you’ve been gone … this song has been playing in my head.
Your smile still is imprinted in my heart….
I’m trying hard to sing along….

Rise up this mornin’,
Smile with the risin’ sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin’ sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin’, (“This is my message to you-ou-ou: “)

Singin’: “Don’t worry ’bout a thing,
‘Cause every little thing gonna be all right.”
Singin’: “Don’t worry (don’t worry) ’bout a thing,
‘Cause every little thing gonna be all right! ”

… B. Marley

 

June 14 2016

This year marks a stepping stone, well at least it would have been a significant stepping stone for my oldest daughter. Graduating from grade 6 and on to middle school in the fall. Her chemo treatments were scheduled to be done January 2017…And then she would have turned a full fledged teenager in April 2017. Babysitting course, guitar lessons, soccer, basketball, track…. Academics….
I look back through your past years and smile big and the tremendous amount you had al ready accomplished in such a short time. The most was your love and compassion. The ability to see past issues, problems, personalities… And into the person’s heart. You are and always will be my hero. My love for keeps growing… Our family holds you close to our hearts.
This is the yearbook page from your school…
“It’s only a bad day if you say it is”…. Baby, your words are the foundation for me ❤️
We love you always xoxoxoxoxoxo

School Support – June 2016

The girls’ school has been a huge support system through out all of the ups and downs over the past three years.
Fund raisers, quiet times, bake sales, Runs, book drives…. And personal one on one support…
In Memory of Paytan the school has planted purple flowers at the front garden.
Words don’t come close to expressing my families gratitude and love for all the kids teachers, and their families….
…. But THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!!!

 

 

Here are some pics from this past year.
…”we planted purple flowers in the front garden in memory of Paytan! “

   

 

June 16 2016

Well… Sitting in the van with the windows down… Waiting to go into the dr. apt.. (Having arrived a bit early)
AND….Today is the VERY FIRST day I have heard a person (lady) read out loud your saying…”it’s only a bad day if you say it is”….
…To her daughter…. And comment … Loud enough for me to hear…..
“I SAY ….IT IS A BAD DAY”….
At first I felt upset, that she would read that and not understand that you wrote it… And then realize that she really had NO idea that you wrote that… And even more important (to me) WHY you wrote it.
Then I felt sad…. That this person would have such a sad out look on her life, that she would be expressing it to her daughter… And to me…. (Cuz I think I was more the intended person to hear her comment).
So, as she passed by me, staring right at me…. I smiled, said pleasantly …”hello”… And that “I hoped her day would become a brighter, better more positive day going forward”….. Her daughter smiled back at me…. And said “thank you”.
Life is definitely what you make of it.
Negativity will always flatten you if you let it.
I choose like you, Paytan & your sister, Hailey…. to have “HAPPY DAYS”.
💕❤️

My baby-girl… ❤️❤️❤️ – Aug 4 2016

My baby-girl… ❤️❤️❤️
What I would give to see your beautiful face smile and hear your giggles, hold your hand and hear you say Mom. I miss our morning snuggles… Our quiet time thoughts together. I miss your hugs and kisses. I miss thinking at night as I fell asleep what adventure you and your sister were going to explore the following day.
I miss the sharing of the excitement leading up to and then experiencing an new adventure with you.
My tears fall from the empty spot in my heart from missing your presence here.

This time last year, we were getting ready to send you and Hailey off to camp.
I was soooo afraid to let you go . I cried inside when Marilyn said there was a spot open for you guys.
As afraid as I was to send you off for the week… I was sooo very excited for you both to have the chance to experience camp. You both accomplished so much when you were there!
I see so much of you in your sister.
You truly were the best big sister ever.


You ALWAYS make and made my heart smile big!

My tears fall from the empty spot in my heart from missing your presence here.

 

 

It's only a BAD DAY if you say it is