September: Gold – Childhood Cancer Awareness

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month… shown or displayed with a Gold Ribbon.
Yes, I will display Gold for Childhood Cancer Awareness, and proudly display an Orange Leukaemia Ribbon on my car… along with my daughter’s personal message!
For my daughter fought a fight that NO child should EVER have to fight!!
Everyday, I think of Paytan… all the things she accomplished and experienced… happy and sad…. I am grateful for the happy memories. And try hard to find sunshine in the sad.

I love you before I even knew I was expecting you… and I will love you for eternity ❤️❤️

Missing You….

I have so many memories floating around my head… and I am so very glad for photographs. I just wish I took more. And more videos. So I could hear your voice more ❤️.

My brain just can not comprehend that you are not here with me. Photographs take me to a time my heart aches for. Not the sickness, or the heartaches…. but to a time where I had you to hold!

My mind reminds my broken heart of the early days… where I would almost spend the whole night sitting with you in my arms, rocking you to sleep…. just so I could watch you breathe.

I must admit that I didn’t really try to hard to put you down as a baby 🙂 … I loved rocking you to sleep.

And as sick as you were… for me to climb in the hospital bed beside you and have you snuggle up close to me…. I would hug you so much….

Your sister shared with me this morning, that you and Daddy came to see her in her dreams last night. My heart fluttered with joy to see your sisters eye light up telling me how you were showing her you could run again! You playing basketball hoops together… and Daddy was watching you both.

Her eyes filled with tears as she told me that when it was time for you to leave, that she pleaded with you to stay just a little longer….

I reassured her that you would come again.

I miss you so very much!