June 23rd…. 1pm
….we had our chance to review “medically” the events that led to our beautiful daughter, Paytan… Passing.

It was very hard going back into CHEO… Into MDU (medical day unit) All the smells you forget about until it hits you fully.
You KNOW you’ve been in a place a long time when EVERYONE who works in a hospital KNOWS you by name.
In a very strange way it is comforting and extremely sad all rolled into one HUGE emotional rush.

Through all of the treatment and complications…
The biggest “announcement” that we wanted to hear… we finally had…
Paytan KICKED the leukaemia!
There was no trace of it anywhere in her body!
Heartbroken…. She is not here to celebrate.

The autopsy confirmed exactly what we thought had happened.
Her liver had not recovered from her coding & initial septicity and 2 blood infection in October 2014….
These infections settled in her lungs, spleen, kidney and liver.
Being a vascular organ, her liver took the majority of the infection.
The infection caused massive legions and a tremendous amount of scaring in her liver. Her liver was sooo badly scared, it was working overtime to clear chemo toxins & now the infections. This was the biggest problem because her liver couldn’t rebuild itself fast enough.
Paytan’s body was tired…. she developed mouth sores, sores into her esophagus, stomach and throughout her intestines.
Paytan was trying so very hard to gain strength and muscle to do more walking with the walker… But bones had also taken a hit from the amount of steroids she received… Causing osteoporosis. Her marrow became compromised in its’ ability to produce white blood cells to fight infections.
All of the past 16 months of treatments & complications….was being compounded by the normal body bacteria (that exists in and on everyone).
A MAJOR, unavoidable factor.

She now had 3 separate infections when we arrived at Emergency on Jan 1st, this year.
At that point…Paytan’s body had already started to shut down.
Her marrow stopped being produced, (she had no white blood cells to fight off infections), ended up with the bum fishers (deep splits in her skin) outside & deep inside, her entire esophagus, bowels all consisted of Sores, cuts & tears.
And the poop got into her blood stream.

Now, 3 infections, her liver was dying & no white blood cells to fight off bacteria….
As the liver failed, her brain became overcome by the ammonia (produced by a dying organ)…. She actually had Alzheimer’s brain cells that developed…& that was causing the dementia & hallucinating …..
She had already started to bleed internally, .. She was coughing up blood and other body fluids started to pool, because her kidneys had failed, causing bloating and ultimate complete organ failure….
She suffered MULTIPLE SVT attacks (heart racing well above 200 beats/min)… That again caused neurological issues and swelling in her brain.

She was in a lot of pain.
Even with the meds.

Decision was made to transfer her to Sick Kids by air ambulance in the hopes they could arrest the infections in time to offer a possible liver, kidney transplant.
Once sedated ….The pain she was in was lowered.
Her condition worsened during the air ambulance flight and upon arrival at Sick Kids… We were told she was looking at a possible Lung transplant as well.
EVERYONE exhausted all that their combined knowledge and experience and Medicine could provide.
There was nothing left but to try to make her comfortable….

I was able to get into bed with her and hold her close. I was able to sing to her, and tell her how much I and her family loved her.
I told her how very sorry I was that we couldn’t do anything to keep her here on earth with us. I told her I didn’t want to loose her.
I shared with the nurses and doctors in your room stories of happy, silly times…. Funny comments, your accomplishments, love and compassion.

I am very proud to be your Mommy.
You are my hero!
❤️My LOVE for you is beyond words❤️
☀️You are my Sunshine☀️
❤️Until we see each other again, I hold your memory deep within my heart❤️
April 8, 2004 to January 6, 2016

It's only a BAD DAY if you say it is