Loss boggles my mind

Loss … how do you explain the loss of someone so close to you… someone you gave birth to… that dark empty space that was once shining.  How do you step out of the darkness and into the real world again? For me… it’s called auto pilot. A place where all my losses and sorrows are pushed away… deep down inside so that I can function day to day.  It’s the quiet times that you will see a tears in my eyes.  The down times, when I am just sitting, drifting and reflecting about what was once. Who was I then? Who am I now?  I was a wife before he passed away. Known for being that … it was always our names together when spoken to or about.  And now … it’s my name.

Same as my girls … was always my girls, the girls, their names were always said together …. and now it’s just her’s.

Loss… takes away a lot. It makes you hold closer those you can, who are still here.  My losses are deep and seem to be never ending. I can recount the passing of my pets, dogs, cat and gerbil …. a good friend in high school, an uncle, grandmother, grandfathers …  But loss can take the form of people just not being in your life anymore as well.  And I have many, many people who have walked away from my situations.  Stating that they, they can not deal with what is happening.  And they weren’t even helping… just watching.

Loss is felt deeply. And I supposed that saying that Time heals wounds could be applied here.  But does it heal the wound? Or do you just get used to the pain til it kind of numbs you?