When you were little, in nursery school, we found a monarch caterpillar…. do you remember? We picked a bunch of milkweeds and put him in the insect container and took him home to care for him. Several weeks went by that we would go every day and pick fresh milkweed, clean his container and watch him grow….
we looked up online what kind of things we should put in the container with him to keep him happy. You named him Charlie.
Soon it was time for him to make his chrysalis. You were soooo very excited!!
It was amazing to watch as the chrysalis changed from green to see thru! And finally one day, Charlie was ready to come out of his chrysalis!! We watched as he broke through and started to open up his wings…. it was beautiful to watch…. but even more beautiful to watch you watching and talking to your little sister to “explain” what was going on. ❤️
Eventually, Charlie’s wings were all stretched out and he was ready to fly away.
You started to giggle and cry at the same time…. but called out to Charlie, “don’t forget me. Come and visit me”….
My heart smiled big as I looked at you….
Then next year, we saw a few monarch butterflies flying around and you immediately called out to them… “hi Charlie & Charlie’s friend!”…. “Look Mommy, Charlie came back to visit, and brought his friend too!”
I didn’t have the heart to tell you that most butterflies don’t make it back after the winter and it was probably a different butterfly….. I let you think it was Charlie. For many, many years… I let you believe this….. not until you were in CHEO, reading a school book with your teacher, that you realized that Charlie was gone a long time ago.
You weren’t mad at me for not telling you…. you just gave me the biggest hug and said that you would never fly away from me.
My Loves …. you ARE My Sunshine and your sister IS My Twinkling Star…..
My mind wanders from present to past… past when you were little. Even to when I was dreaming about you before I even was pregnant with you….. God gave me the gift of you and your sister. And I am so deeply grateful for the honour of being your Mommy.
You had the fairest blonde hair… and this cute little tuff that would pop up no matter how we pat it down. 🙂 it was you!
Your smile was contagious!! Your ability to always see the happy side of everything!! And your incredible willingness to help at anything…. I’m soooo glad for the nights I fell asleep with you in my arms in the rocking chair for being able to hold you and feel you breathe.
I remember sitting with a very small you at the computer and we were playing the kids games online…. the simplest funny voice I would make as we moved the mouse you would giggle and giggle!
Your sister misses you terribly! My heart aches for her pain. I know too well the absence of a sister…. the empty lonely feeling facing the world by yourself. I hug her EVERYDAY…. LOTS!! And tell her the tighter I squeeze is an extra hug from you!! After God gave me you… I prayed for another child so that you wouldn’t be alone….. God gave us Hailey!! My world was complete.
You ARE the best big sister to Hailey!!
You helped Mommy take care of her…. you were the only one that could comfort her during car rides, you are the one she wanted to tell her stories to. She has a huge empty space that I am trying hard to fill for her… not to replace you… but to give her your love!!
CHEO Telethon ran over the weekend and raised lots of money!! I personally know that with the Costco help and Team Paytan, 2 million dollars we donated!!
So a while back… a while back… Paytan was in grade 4 and wanted to be an entrepreneur… she wanted to design a t-shirt to sell to raise money. She came up with design and together, We put it on the computer and printed out a few t-shirts for her to sell to her friends.
Through a friend we learned of a website to post your design ideas for the public to buy on t-shirts. Paytan asked if we could upload her design…. and we did!
I thought I would share her design and say that I just noticed it featured on the Redbubble Facebook site!