Valentine’s Day 2017 …. thoughts

Well, today is another “event” or special date on the calendar that will pass by and be marked as one more year you weren’t here to participate in.

Do you realize… I lost your father on the year that we would have been married for 20 years… and then I lost you, five years later.  When we first got married, actually on our honeymoon, you daddy said we should make it a plan to come back on our 25th Anniversary to this very spot.  25 years later …. I am missing him and now missing you.   My heart is terrified to loose your sister!  I try so hard every day not to cling to her and to be able to give her the freedom to grow up without a mom that hovers.

Tears still flow so very quickly.  Just your name brings a vast amount of memories, smells, giggles and yes… more tears.

This year, you would have finished your chemo treatments and starting to live again…. you would have been turning 13 years old.  Thirteen… and “real teenager” 🙂 I can hear your words … babysitting course, guitar lessons, sports… all a dream that will never happen.

Oh how my heart aches!!